Accepting you’re not in control, not alright, in trouble with yourself and asking for simplest of basic help like just ‘talking to/about it with someone’ could feel like an impossible task sometimes. Depression, anxiety, mental health issues are not just word, they are way beyond than what they sound. Unfortunately some people fail to understand the seriousness of life attached with these words. Having been normal and finding easy to be around people, or making friends, or letting out feelings and thoughts to others, people and think these mental issues are just excuses but little they know about the catastrophic effect it has on the lives of people who have it, lives of the people who are bonded with the victims of these so called ‘mere words’. They don’t know how difficult it is to leave the bed in the morning and go to college, university, grocery stores, work, etc. They don’t know how difficult it is to leave your room on weekends when you don’t have to be anywhere. How difficult it is to sleep when you want to at night but just can’t because of those countless thoughts, those worries about being alone, not being good or body shaming or missing someone who’s not there being stressed out and anxious. People don’t really know how it feels to have those gazillion thoughts but no words to express them. So they simply say things like, “you’re fucking dumb, you weirdo..”, “get a life, get outside n meet someone”, “if you you concentrate on studies or work, this will go away…” Had going out and meeting someone new been so easy, we wouldn’t be having anyone with single relationship status, but then again we live in a world with so many online dating applications and services which tell you exactly how difficult it is to find people, let alone meet them, and talk to them.
Being in depression is something which rips you out if happiness, hopes and confidence. Every now and then you start feeling vulnerable, you start feeling insecure, you start feeling like small and worthless, ineffective and powerless, like you have no aim or everything is unachievable. You start feeling the changes in your lifestyle like eating disorders, some start eating too much or just minimise everything to just a grain a day. Some have sleeping disorders, like laying in bed to fall asleep but it’d always be hours of, ‘you changing positions, thinking about everything you could’ve done but didn’t do or couldn’t do and regret, sheer negativity about anything, feeling lonely and desperate to be not alone or the opposite, desperate desire to be completely alone to thinking about everything and anything and nothing but sleep before you suffer and cry to sleep. You may also start feeling tired n sleepy in the day for absolutely no reasons right at the start of the day. But the worse thing about depression are the suicidal thoughts. Every now and then, one way or another these dangerous thoughts do catch up with you. The negativity in life pushed on to you by others or self built mountains on your shoulders of negativity often lead to suicidal thoughts and these are are very damaging on a scale of limiting to sometimes just personality, character, nature damaging to the worse, DEATH. And the worse thing about suicides is the collateral damage they leave for the others attached to these people. They might think that it might be an answer to their miseries but the void holes it leaves with the people they were attached are left shattered with a possibility of them falling in the same mess they took this drastic step to escape from creating a paradox.
Depression isn’t just a word, it’s got more to it’s weight than anything enormous you could ever think of measuring.