The ghost of my life

I hardly remember us being alone.
Yet today when I see our pictures
I just find us two in them,
And others not at all.

I remember how slowly we tried to fade away,
Yet being tied by a tiny little red invisible thread,
And despite living at bay,
Spending innumerable lives together in our heads.

I hardly recall anyone being around,
Though we were never alone together.
Indeed I was too lost to be found,
Picturing broken dreams of us being together.

I hardly remember how I convinced myself altogether,
That I hated her despite falling for her over and over,
again and again at the same time.
Failing to justify either emotion in court of love, lust and lies.
Stuck on her with
nothing and everything to lose
At the same time.

I remember how close we were somewhere,
where we were never ever actually there.

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