I had a long conversation with two of my inner circle friends. Been a long time since we shared a table together and just talked, joked and laughed. But apparently, they do remember things about my life which I myself either 

  • didn’t remember,
  • didn’t wanted to remember or,
  • was constantly ignoring their presence because of the depression and regret they brought along every single time they surfaced.

We talked about almost everything but then again, it was just inevitable that we were gonna start discussing women, especially the women who touched our lives. So few minutes into the ‘feminine topic’ and they finally put the million dollar question on the table and revealed their cards. They queried me about my ex, opening a jar full of memories, releasing the stinging bees everywhere like a virus into a system. Now the virus having its resources necessary to bring about its harmful behavior, started making changes into my files and system, replicating itself all over my secondary memory, taking away my administrative privileges, not allowing me to do anything, brought me to a situation leaving me with the files I had locked deep down the data warehouse of my brain, a rather ‘to-be-left-alone’ folder. And now the contents of that folder were all over my head, running anonymously and independently all over my system, slowing it down, temporarily blacking me out!! A situation making me beg for a restart, but knowing that restarting an infected system won’t anyhow solve the situation, left me with thoughts of a permanent ‘shut-down’, force closing everything just like switching off the mains AC/DC switch in order to avoid the ‘kernel-panic’. All of this leaving the only option to manually run a system scan. Getting drunk and manually removing the virus, scanning everything file by file at the bar like an self scripted anti-virus. But once a file is infected it gives a hard time in recovering. That’s how I lose a part of my soul every now and then. That’s how people get eaten up from the inside gaping a huge void in them.

I wrote this poem, whilst being infected by the virus of my love. A virus I’m in still love with maybe.. 

Na chahu bhulana,
Na chahu bulana.
Chahu apnana,
Bas Kaash,
sharmau na.

A jaye aj bhi agar,
zuban pr jo uska naam,
Dil ho jaye taiyaar,
Dene uske liye apni jaan.

Milte h aj bhi log,
Poochte kaha h wo?
Kaise batau unhe,
Door mujhse akhirkaar,
Khush rehne lagi h wo…

Tu zuban p mat ana,
Chahe Jo ho bas muskurana,
Apna ye gam kisi ko na batana,
Dekhne ko honge hazaaro,
Lekin tujhe haini,
Kisi ne apna banana,
Sambhal k Saini,
Na h ye apno ka zamaana…



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