Ex, Anxiety and Birthdays

How do you wish
your ex on her birthday?
How do you show or say
‘I still do care enough
To atleast wish you today’?
How do you prepare
For the flashbacks of that day?
How do you remove,
The moments of intimacy
Where she held your hand and said, “see,
Though it’s my day,
But you being here
So close so near,
Is the reason why,
I am on cloud nine…”

Year after year,
24 whole hours.
When I wish to either go numb,
Or to own super human powers,
To lose one whole day,
Coz I don’t know,
How to tell her
Happy birthday…

Because I don’t know if my wishes,
Are a sign of, “yeah he still misses…”
Or another possible weakness.
Because I don’t wanna be like her,
Don’t want rudeness and ego like her,
Wanna stay sober.
So here I am,
Despite Being confused,
Emotionally bruised,
And Greedily used,
Wondering
How does one wish,
One’s ex happy birthday.
Something never easy to say.
In any possible way.

Tomorrow’s her birthday and I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I really am kinda confused about myself that would I treat her like she treated me (ignoring completely by not not even making eye contact forget about wishing) or am I gonna put my pride and ego aside and wish her happy birthday with all my blessings for a better life for her? Or would I bow down to my dark side and hope for passing out for a whole day? Anyhow, how would you wish your ex on her birthday? But more importantly would you? Or would you envy the cold way out??

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