I’m Scared off my own Little Monsters

This post is unedited because I wanted it to be it as it was. As my mind thought about it. As I felt about it. I didn’t wanted it to look fancy and kill some or many feelings and emotions just to make it professional. This post is in its true form.

They say, being drunk doesn’t changes who you really are.
Your morals that you learned as a kid won’t change even after you get shitfaced high/drunk.
The drunk you is just that cute tiny monster who is hiding beneath your facial mask. Dont worry, your monster will work on only those things which sober you have kept hidden from the world by being ashamed, adult or professional or all of them. Its good sometimes to let that tiny monster out. Its good to let it speak out things you can’t/won’t say. But there’s a price for it. Hangover, headache and health. These three H’s will be involved with each having a distinct price tag on them.

I am a simple normal guy, or at least I like to think of myself that way… Atheist, young aspirant, loving, kind, loyal but alone. Maybe depressed too lately. I’ve been taking my painkillers regularly now in the form of music, but yet there’s sometimes some wounds even painkillers can’t touch. I hope you have an idea what I’m talking about…

The thing is, alcohol brings out what’s in your heart and mind that has been hidden away from the world. Now that I’ve little hopes on not ending up alone, it has been harsh on my mind and soul. Now that my drinks are around every two weeks, and I losing my shit at just two beers, I’m scared of my tiny little monster. Not because it could directly harm anyone else, because it won’t. I believe it just won’t happen because I forget and forgive easily. But over the past few years, I don’t know when did I got so convinced that I really am gonna end up alone. Its like not worth it going down that road. I just recall when I got so convinced about that…

I just hope my tiny little monster doesn’t comes out and does something out of control to put an end to my misery. My painkillers have brought me out here where I am today, and I’m gonna keep on taking those. But for the first time I’ve a fear which really has today me scared of myself….

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